Fuck Yeah, Awesome News: Edition 28
A lake in Michigan finally removes itself from a toxic relationship, a fart joke goes horrible awry, and a swan in England is arrested for attempted murder.
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A lake in Michigan finally removes itself from a toxic relationship, a fart joke goes horrible awry, and a swan in England is arrested for attempted murder.
Wonderful
After spending 40 years on the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency Area of Concern list – which is exactly what it sounds like — a lake in Michigan has been declared free of toxic waste. Take that, corporate polluting fucks! All it took was four decades and $84 million.
That divorce settlement is burning a hole in MacKenzie Scott’s pocket: the philanthropist just donated $50 million big ones to support Native American college students.
Twenty-three Colombian miners who lived our nightmare of being trapped underground were rescued after being stuck in a collapsed mine for 43 hours.
Wild
National Geographic re-published legend Jane Goodall’s 1963 article about the chimpanzees of Gombe River Game Reserve. It’s a fucking gorgeous article, might be the best piece of conservation journalism of all time, and you should read it right now. RIP to the baddest to ever do it.
In our next life, we want to be this bear.
The tallest tree in the Amazon is giving pick me energy.
Weird
A teaching assistant in South Carolina was arrested for spending one month secretly spraying fart spray in the high school where he worked. He sprayed so much that several students sought medical attention and the school incurred more than $55K in damages. This man’s mugshot looks like this is exactly his crime.
In other criminal news, a black swan was removed from a small town in England for trying to drown other birds.
A guy in New Jersey hung socks from his trunk to cover his license plate to avoid paying tolls. A for effort, sir.