This post is sponsored by the Dead Pets, the podcast about pet grief that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours. Believe us, it’s not as depressing as it sounds. Click below to listen.

We love Tiny Desk, obviously. Live on KEXP is a different beast in the same forest of in-studio performances filmed and disseminated on YouTube for the music-hungry masses. While Tiny Desk feels like you are in someone’s living room, Live on KEXP feels like you are in someone’s basement at a house show that will become a local legend.

For nigh-on 30 years, the Seattle radio station has been dutifully introducing musicians the world over, and the result is a vault of thousands of live performances for you to enjoy.

​While Tiny Desk is light and airy, musicians pared down to their essence, KEXP is guttural and loud, with musicians pouring their fucking lungs out against the studio’s signature glittering backdrop.​

Here are the best KEXP live performances to lift you up when you feel like ass. ​

Dakha Brakha

Dakha Brakha is a Ukrainian quartet that, at first glance, looks like they would play some lovely, gentle folk music that might lull you peacefully to sleep. Barrely a minute into their performance, you will see how totally wrong you were. Dhaka Brakha is a hypnotic cacophony of powerful harmonies, with cellos, accordions, goblet drums, harmonica, digeridoo, and more.

​Instead of lulling you to sleep, Dakha Brakha will awaken something deep inside of you.

HAM

Music that comes out of Iceland is SO Iceland. Think Björk, Sigur Rós, Mum, Aurora — they all sound like fairies that gestated in the Earth’s core before sprouting through volcanic soil. HAM is no different. If Icelandic metal isn’t your thing, it might be after this. These guys have been ripping since 1988, and their sound is reminiscent of medieval dungeons, in the best way.

HAM’s KEXP set was filmed at Iceland Airwaves music festival, and it kicks off with a warning of what is to come, with lead singer Óttarr Proppé declaring to the crowd: “We are HAM, and we are going to play a few songs about friendship and love and hate!”

Sylvan Esso

Electropop duo Sylvan Esso casts a spell that we want to be under at all times.

Amelia Meath’s delicate, soothing vocals are fortified by Nick Sanborn’s synthesizer. The pair perform songs from their self-titled debut album, a synthy lullaby that makes us feel like we are being rocked to sleep in a dreamy soundwave.

Charles Bradley

Charles Bradley’s voice will reach into your chest, grab your heart, and give it a squeeze that will fill your body with both chills and the warm fuzzies. The funk and soul legend is backed by The Extraordinaires for his 2016 KEXP Live performance. The performance is typical of Bradley, who is armed with a voice that could awaken long-sleeping gods, change geography, summon the rain, and knock your fucking socks off.​

People who were fortunate enough to see Bradley live before his death in 2017 describe it as a transcendent experience, and this one is no exception.

IDLES

IDLES holds a spot on our best Tiny Desk list, too. The lead singer’s energy will blast you in the face, reach around the back of your head, and get that thang banging. The band fills the space with a chaotic energy that pushes against the ceiling and walls, straining to contain them. Lead singer Joseph Talbot growls and pushes his vocals through gritted teeth, each word coming out like a sharp bullet as the band berates your ears by ripping on their instruments like nobody’s business.

Stay tuned for part two.

This post is sponsored by the Dead Pets, the podcast about pet grief that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours. Click below to listen.

Drugs are amazing, but have you ever come home after a long ass day at work to a dog that is so fucking excited to see you they’re literally shaking? Has a cat that is uninterested in every single person on Earth ever sat on your lap and purred?

Pets are a goddamn bottomless pit of joy. Taking care of another being gives you purpose, structure, and worth. At the very least, if you have a dog, you have to go outside every single day. If you have a cat, they will sit on your fucking laptop and force you to unplug.

You could have a legendarily shitty day, and it will be made better by a cuddle with your pet. Bonding with an animal and keeping them fed, sheltered, and happy is not only deeply gratifying; it will also add years to your life and increase your chance of recovering from major health events like heart attack and stroke.

Researchers have long put forth the benefits of having pets. Pet owners have lower blood pressure, increased mobility, are less lonely and stressed, and have a higher self-image than weirdos who don’t have pets. But scientists haven’t quite figured out if pets make people happier and healthier, or if happy, healthy people tend to have pets. To that we say: who gives a fuck.

No one adopts a pet thinking, “This little guy is going to lower my blood pressure and increase my chances of surviving a stroke if I ever have one!” We adopt them because something in our hearts tells us it’s time. The real benefit of getting a pet is this: part of your life will be completely and utterly perfect.

Your bond with your pet will be a pocket of magic in your world. You will be shocked at your capacity to love more and more; and when you think it would be totally impossible for you to love any more, you just fucking do.

Pets are love unfiltered. They don’t have opinions about our life choices, our intelligence or lack of, how we dress, what we eat, our career choices, or our education level. All they require of us is us.

Well-mustached French poet and journalist Anatole France said it best: Until one has loved an animal, part of one’s soul remains unawakened.

Bodhisattvas

A wise man once told us that our pets are Bodhisattvas — beings in Buddhism who have achieved enlightenment but delay entering nirvana to help others reach their own enlightenment. Our pets are selfless guides who innately carry all that we lack: the ability to be present, to accept, draw boundaries, to love without limits or conditions, to surrender to boundless joy.

Amidst all of that is the inevitable: their lives are just a fraction of ours. Losing them is an ineffable agony. When they leave us, our souls ache in the face of their absence. With time, the ache will soften, and your heart will be wider and deeper, and you’ll marvel that you were ever so lucky to have had a thousand joyful moments with your very own Bodhisattva. And you will be better for it.

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast about pet grief that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

The Amazon is staging a comeback tour; the shitty boyfriend to end all shitty boyfriends is found guilty; and science finally does the right thing and launches a study about farts. Here is all of the news last week that made us say “fuck yeah.”

Wonderful

We love stories about incredible fucking old badass people finally getting their dues.

This absolute unit of a good Samaritan saved a mother and three children from our worst nightmare.

New Mexico is using money from a fat ass oil and gas windfall to make life easier for regular shmegular folks.

Wild

Bug of the Year is exactly the kind of competition we want to bet money on.

One year after conservationists kicked out the riff raff, the Marshall Islands are booming.
If you are a fellow millennial who will always and forever be worried about the Amazon rainforest, worry not.

Weird

Scooby Doo walked so the Thai police could run.

Imagine if he never put the dishes in the dishwasher the right way, always left his stupid fucking little beard hairs in the sink when he shaved, left his clothes on the floor, and then left her on the mountain. MEN.

Scientists at the University of Maryland have launched an extremely serious and not at all funny mass study about farts. The name of the study isn’t even remotely silly: Human Atlas Flatus. Yes, the data is collected exactly how you hope it would be: with high-tech underwear that counts your farts.

This post is sponsored by the Dead Pets, the podcast about pet grief that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours. Click below to listen to this week’s episode.

Times are weird. The seasons are changing, the magic of the holidays has officially fucked off, the snow is melting away to mud, and we are all stuck in the middle of the in-between. During this time of year, we more often than not feel like hot dog shit in a blender.

Among the many activities we force ourselves to engage in to lift the spirits is cracking a beer, sparking a joint (or both), and watching one of the following feel-good cinematic masterpieces.

Here are five more movies that we are pretty sure will brighten your mood when you feel like shit.

Second Hand Lions

It’s the summer of 1962, and Walter’s floozy of a mother sends him to live with his wild and crazy uncles, Hub and Garth — played by Robert Duvall and Michael Caine in full zaddy mode. Rumor has it that the old bachelors are sitting on a fortune amassed from their lifetime of adventures. They spend their time shooing away people who come sniffing around for their gold by shooting shotguns at them from their porch.

The men spend their time regaling Walter with tales of the adventures from before and after WWII. Planting a field of corn leads them to a retired circus lion who becomes Walter’s pet and ultimately serves a greater purpose when his mom turns up with her grifter boyfriend in search of the uncles’ wealth.

Cool Runnings

Cool Runnings is the best sports movie ever made. Don’t agree? Drop a pin, we’re coming to fucking fight you.

It’s 1987, and Jamaican sprinter Derice Bannock’s Olympic dreams are dashed during time trials. Desperate to make it to the Olympic stage, Bannock tracks down an old friend of his dead father’s, disgraced bobsled champion Irv Blitzer, and convinces him to form a team to compete in the upcoming Winter Olympics in Calgary.

Bannock and teammates Sanka, Yul, and Junior train under Blitzer and qualify to represent Jamaica in the winter games, even though none of them have even seen a flake of snow. It’s the ultimate underdog story. If you’ve seen it, don’t even pretend you don’t bawl your eyes out when they pick up that bobsled.

Best in Show

In a perfect lambasting of the highfalutin, ridiculous world of prestigious dog shows, Best in Show follows five dogs and their owners on their journey to compete in the Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show in Philadelphia.

Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara play Gerry and Cookie Fleck, who have high hopes for their Wheaten Terrier Winkey. Their journey includes an overzealous former lover and being forced to sleep in the storage room of the hotel.

Michael Hitchcock and Parker Posey play a high-strung J.Crew and Starbucks-loving couple who can’t get to the bottom of their Weimaraner’s neurosis, but suspect it has to do with it walking in on them having sex (or at least that’s what they tell the dog’s therapist).

Jennifer Coolidge plays a young wife to a 90-year-old sugar daddy who is determined to make her standard poodle a star with the help of a very butch dog trainer.

Bait shop owner Harlan Pepper waxes poetic about his family’s lineage of hounds as he prepares his bloodhound Hubert for greatness, and finally, gay couple Scott Donlan and Stefan Vanderhoof and their Shih Tzu Ms. Agnes round out the competition.

Office Space

Who hasn’t wanted to rob their evil corporate overlords and beat the life out of the office copy machine that never works when you need it to? Office Space is an evergreen tale of three workplace besties who set out to rob the IT company they work for.

Peter goes to a hypnotherapy session to find relief from the stress of his dead-end job, but the hypnotist dies of a sudden heart attack before he can snap Peter out of it. His new don’t-give-a-single-fuck attitude impresses the higher-ups as the company ruthlessly downsizes. When his friends are laid off, they sic a virus on the company’s accounting system that diverts fractions of pennies into a bank account over a long period of time. Of course, it goes terribly awry.

Hot Fuzz

We never don't want to watch a Simon Pegg and Nick Frost joint. Police officer Nicholas Angel is reassigned from the hard streets of London to the sleepy village of Sandford. Angel's hard-nosed policing is a poor match for the laid-back community and his barely competent colleagues. After responding to calls that include a runaway swan and a land-bound sea mine, Angel struggles with the slower pace of his new life. And then the bodies start turning up. Hot Fuzz literally has everything: a community theatre performance of Romeo and Juliet, the 1988 movie, murder by church steeple, and sweet elderly villagers wielding an armory.

Want to advertise in Vulgar Advice? Have your people email our people at info@vulgaradvice.com.

This post is sponsored by the Dead Pets, the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours. Click below to listen to this week’s episode.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: words are the shit.

You wouldn’t believe how many words there are to describe the most nuanced of feelings and the most imperceptible of moments. Here are 41 of our favorite words we’re pretty sure you haven’t heard of before.

1. Ombrophile - A person who loves rain; someone who finds joy and peace in rainy weather.

2. Oleilu - The awareness of how few days are memorable; a reflection on the scarcity of truly significant moments in life.

3. Shibui - A Japanese aesthetic concept describing simple, subtle, and unobtrusive beauty; elegant simplicity.

4. Foilsick - Frustrated by something you could have easily predicted or prevented; exasperated at your own lack of foresight.

5. Meliorism - The belief that the world can be made better through human effort; optimism about improvement.

6. Eccendentesiant - Someone who fakes a smile; a person pretending to be happy.

7. Nyctophile - A person who loves night or darkness; someone who feels most alive after dark.

8. Liminal - Relating to a transitional or in-between state; occupying a threshold or boundary space.

9. Chrysalism - The tranquility and peace felt during a thunderstorm when you’re safely indoors; the amniotic comfort of being inside during bad weather.

10. Eremitism - The practice or state of living as a hermit; withdrawal from society for solitude.

11. Petrichor - The pleasant, earthy smell that accompanies rain after a dry spell; the scent of rain on dry ground.

12. Dendrophile - A person who loves trees and forests; someone who feels a deep connection to wooded areas.

13. Humepenthe - Something that drives away sorrow or eases pain; a remedy for sadness (from Greek mythology).

14. Alamort - Half-dead from exhaustion, sorrow, or illness; deeply dejected or sorrowful.

15. Clishmaclaver - Idle gossip or foolish talk; meaningless chatter.

16. Alexithymia - The inability to identify and describe one’s own emotions; difficulty recognizing feelings.

17. Aesthete - A person who has or affects to have a special appreciation of art and beauty; someone devoted to aesthetic pursuits.

18. Onism - The awareness of how little of the world you’ll experience; the frustration of being stuck in one body in one place at one time.

19. Nefelibata - A cloud walker; someone who lives in the clouds of their own imagination, detached from reality; a dreamer.

20. Ineffable - Too great or extreme to be expressed in words; indescribable or unspeakable.

21. Adronitis - Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone; impatience with the slow pace of building relationships.

22. Solivagant - A solitary wanderer; someone who travels or wanders alone.

23. Casimir - Someone who prevents a fight, argument, or conflict; a peacemaker.

24. Oblioscend - To forget things as you age; the process of forgetting due to aging.

25. Latibule - A hiding place; a safe refuge or sanctuary where one can retreat.

26. Valemor - The awareness that any given moment might be the last time you see someone; treasuring encounters knowing they may not repeat.

27. Psithurism - The sound of wind rustling through trees; the whisper of leaves.

28. Pithered - Confused, bewildered, or flustered; in a state of mild distress or agitation.

29. Tuirse - The sadness or emptiness felt after a long conversation or event has ended; post-connection melancholy.

30. Anhedonia - The inability to feel pleasure; loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities.

31. Sobremar - To be above the sea; metaphorically, to rise above difficulties or remain afloat in troubles.

32. Cingulomania - A strong desire to hold someone in your arms; the urge to embrace.

33. Callow - Inexperienced and immature; lacking adult sophistication or worldliness.

34. Nelipot - Someone who walks barefoot; a person who goes without shoes.

35. Firgun - A Hebrew word describing genuine, unselfish joy at another person’s success or good fortune.

36. Mireluna - The moon’s reflection on water; moonlight dancing on a water’s surface.

37. Philophobia - The fear of falling in love or emotional attachment; anxiety about forming deep connections.

38. Forwallowe - To wither or fade; to waste away or deteriorate (archaic).

39. Groke - To gaze longingly at someone while they’re eating, hoping they’ll share their food.

40. Immure - To enclose or confine within walls; to imprison or entrap.

41. Cordiform - Heart-shaped; having the form or shape of a heart.

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. Coming December 4, 2025.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

Last week, a really, really old woman dominated her competition; a 90s icon is downgraded in the best way; and a penis controversy shook the world of ski jumping.

Here’s all the news last week that made us say, “Fuck yeah!”

Wonderful

Diana Beasly, aged 92, did what she does best and fucking destroyed the competition at the UK national Scrabble tournament.

These men have found solace in the Costco food court, and ya know what? Good for them!

This is the Jetsons utopia we long for.

Wild

Perhaps the ocean isn’t going to die and take us all with it after all.

90s endangered species icon, the Giant Panda, is officially off the list.

A plant thought to be extinct was like, “whatsup, bitches!”

Weird

In the right hands, anything is a weapon.

Male ski jumpers competing in the upcoming Winter Olympics are injecting their dicks with hyaluronic acid.

Surely this is a sign of the end of times.

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. Coming December 4, 2025.

Russian beefcake Shavarsh Karapetyan was a swimming superstar bound for greatness at the 1976 Montreal Olympics when internal politics cock-blocked him from the team and shut him out of his gold medal dreams.

Thankfully for 37 fortunate souls bound for a watery grave, fate had something greater in store for the 23-year-old athlete.

This is the badass story of Shavarsh Karapetyan.

In 1953, Karapetyan was born in Kirovakan, Armenia. By the looks of him, he came out of his mama a full-grown-ass man. After eight years of schooling, Mother Russia felt that was enough for the young comrade and sent him off to auto-mechanic school.

Meanwhile, Karapetyan became an accomplished finswimmer. If you’re like, “What the fuck is finswimming?,” welcome to the club, we’ve done the Googling for you. Finswimming is a sport in which athletes make themselves as fish-like as possible by wearing a monofin and a mask, holding their breath for insane lengths of time, and propelling themselves through the water like freak shark people. It looks cool as shit, and you should totally YouTube it.

By the time he was 23, Karapetyan was one of the world’s best finswimmers, bagging 17 world championships, 13 European championships, and 7 USSR championships, and broke 11 world records. He was also *ahem* not too hard on the eyes.

Karapetyan was considered a shoo-in to represent the USSR at the 1976 Olympics in Montreal when politics shut him out of the team. Soviet Coach Liparit Almasakyan stood on business for Karapetyan and backed out of coaching the team. Instead, he was like, “Fuck your politics, I’ll train Karapetyan and make him into even more of a beast.”

On September 16, 1976, as part of an absolutely fucking brutal training regimen Almasakyan designed for Karapetyan, the young athlete was running 12 miles around Yerevan Lake with 44-pound weights on his back. Almasakyan and Karapetyan’s brother, Kamo, followed close behind.

As he neared the end of his run, a trolleybus on a nearby road veered off course and plummeted downhill and into the cold waters of the lake, rapidly swallowed by its dark waters. Ninety-two people were inside as it sank 33 feet to the bottom of the lake.

Fucking badass that he was, Karapetyan’s response was immediate, diving into the waters while shouting instructions to Almasakyan and Kamo to stand by.

On his first dive, Karapetyan kicked the glass out of one of the trolleybus’s windows to create an exit for the drowning passengers. He dove into the water 38 more times, resurfacing with a rescued passenger and passing them to Almasakyan and Kamo, who helped them to shore.

Each time he went down, he swam through shards of broken glass and was nearly blind in the dark, murky lake waters as he felt for passengers. On his last dive, Karapetyan came to the surface to realize he had grabbed a cushion, not a person, and his heart broke.

“I could have saved a life instead. That seat still haunts me in my nightmares,” he told the media years later.

Karapetyan pulled 37 people from the water that day, and others were able to swim out on their own from the window he broke. It’s reported that only 20 survived the ordeal.

Karapetyan sustained severe cuts from the broken glass, and came down with sepsis and double pneumonia for his efforts. He was hospitalized for 45 days while recovering.

Incredible shit, huh?

What’s more, is that the story remained largely under wraps, as the Soviet government didn’t really want people to know about how fucking shitty their public transit was, so they kept it out of the media. Witnesses and survivors talked, however, and the story of Karapetyan’s absolutely fucking baller rescue efforts became something of an urban legend until 1982, when a newspaper published the first media story about the crash.

When asked about his selfless act of badassery that could have cost him his life, he replied, “I was simply closer to the crash than anyone else.” We love a humble King.

After the rescue, Karapetyan never fully returned as the finswimmer he once was and eventually hung up his fins.

But, he did make it to the Olympics. At the 2014 opening ceremony in Sochi, Karapetyan carried the Olympic torch.

We’re not crying, you’re crying!

Read More Badass Stories

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. Coming December 4, 2025.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

Wonderful

We’ve decided to start off 2026 by crying hysterically first out of utter sadness for this poor horse and then for joy at the town that came together to save it.

We can’t help it, we love stories like this. Get used to it, K?

Finland is ensuring its children don’t grow up to be fucking dumbasses who are blinded by outrage at news stories that aren’t exactly true.

Wild

This fence in Australia that keeps predators from eating these cute little critters has resulted in a major species comeback.

Congrats to this mountain gorilla mamma, who gave birth to twins last week.

While this headline sounds like the opening to a “walk into a bar joke,” we’re stoked to see more migratory species getting global protection.

Weird

Like, literally just let her live.

A sex shop in Toronto received an official government letter about an excess of butt-plugs being sent to a U.S naval base in Bahrain.

We envy this journalist who got to use the words “beloved,” “walrus,” and “penis” in one headline.

The Dead Pets Podcast celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours.

On an arctic January night in 1925, a 12-year-old Siberian Husky named Togo ran hard across the barren Norton Sound, an inlet of the sub-zero Bering Sea off the west coast of Alaska.

He led a sled dog team that beat a path into the frozen terrain packed with ice and snow as they carried a life-saving medicine bound for Nome, Alaska. The team was in a race against time as the lives of 28 people hung in the balance. The people of Nome had 20 hours left, and time was running out.

Listen to episode 4 of the Dead Pets Podcasts to hear the incredible true story of a very good boy named Togo.

Want a sponsored post in Vulgar Advice? Talk to us, babe. Send an email to info@vulgaradvice.com.

This past year, a handful of people proved that humankind isn’t totally fucking awful; nature put its foot down and said, “I’m not done yet, damnit,; and people around the world were arrested for the strangest of behaviors.

Here are all of the wonderful, wild, and weird news stories that made us say, “Fuck yeah,” in 2025.

Wonderful

Some very smart scientists in Deutschland created a way to literally patch a broken heart.

In “Fuck Yeah, Earth!” news, a mountain sacred to the Māori was granted personhood. What the fuck does that mean, you ask? It means it will forever be protected from greedy corporate shitheads.

This is a damn cute meet-cute.

In people-aren’t-so-fucking-horrible-after-all news, a 27-year-old with a heart of gold launched an effort to reunite people with their family photographs lost in natural disasters.

Is there anything cuter than an old couple in love?! Damn right. These adorable love birds didn’t even speak the same language when they fell in love 70 years ago.

We can’t help it; we love old people (it’s not a fetish). The invitations an 87-year-old man named Doug sent out for his baller-ass party made headlines.

The airlines did something not totally shitty for a change. Delta delayed the take-off of a flight for 30 minutes so that a young woman whose connection was delayed could see her dying mother one last time. Delta has moved us to tears before, but certainly not for acts of kindness.

A 23-year-old med student survived two weeks lost in the Australian wilderness. We think that everyone can agree that of all the wilderness to be lost in, Australia’s would be the most fucked.

A grocery store in the Yukon recently added to its signage translations of English words into Hän, the traditional language of the Tr’ondëk Hwëch’in First Nation. Fuck yeah for language restoration, and ever more fuck yeah for bringing said language into public spaces.

This absolutely heroic mother fucker saved 15 children from a burning school bus.

A dog was trapped on a frozen Canadian lake for 28 hours when a group of neighbors said, “Not on our watch, damnit!”

A small business owner hanging on in a long-dying but beloved industry closes his doors to everyone except for one customer. Our renowned cleverness failed us when trying to write a zingy line to describe this story, but it might be one of our favorite news stories of all time.

In sometimes-people-really-are-the-fucking-best news, 300 people in a small Michigan town formed an assembly line to help a beloved local bookstore move more than 9,000 books to their new location.

This might be our favorite headline ever: 3-legged mini horse fitted with a custom prosthetic leg in groundbreaking rehab case in Minnesota.

A toddler in Arizona escaped his enclosure and wandered through the night, ending up several miles from home in mountain lion territory. If it weren’t for a good boy named Buford, this story would have ended a lot differently.

As lifelong members of the Naughty Dog Fan Club, we have been following Valerie’s journey closely. This little wiener dog survived 529 days in the fucking Australian wilderness — the most wild of all the wildernesses. She was rescued last week after volunteers spent a total of 1,000 hours searching for her.

What was once the biggest pile of shit in the world will soon be resplendent with 50,000 violets.

These smarty-pants scientists discovered a brand-new color. Just when we thought we had seen it all!

This short-and-sweet piece in The Guardian reminds us that humans are, in fact, not the dog shit scum of the Earth – at least not these typically rowdy teenage boys.

In more surprisingly touching teenage boy news, this poor fucking kid who endured the nightmare of his entire family dying in a fell swoop donated a fuck load of money.

Brazilian runner Pedro Arieta did something really, really, really fucking nice during the Boston Marathon.

If you’ve ever had a speculum shoved inside of you to crank your vagina more open than thought humanly possible, this is very welcome news.

These dudes spent 55 days LOST AT FUCKING SEA. We think every sane person has a healthy and deep-seated fear of the ocean.

The National Institute of Health will no longer be torturing beagles for the sake of science.

A dolphin that became stranded in a South Carolina lagoon got the Free Willy treatment.

This absolute badass 26-year-old Frau survived 11 nights in the wild terror that is the Australian bush after sustaining a fucking concussion. At 26 years old, I could barely survive a night out at the bar.

This is just like that one Jason Statham movie where he has to keep his heart rate at a certain level or else it would explode, but much more heartwarming.

The People’s Princess, Pamela Anderson, is selling pickles made from a family recipe to benefit the California Wildlife Center.

These teenagers proved that not all youth are no good hoodlums who only care about Snapchat and rizz!

Amsterdam is building itty-bitty staircases to help cats from getting stuck in the canals.

Get more awesome news in your inbox that makes you say, “Fuck yeah!”

In the cutest news ever: a boy who grew up obsessed with trains is now one of the youngest train drivers in the UK. Get this kid on Love on the Spectrum already!

This deaf cat named Mittens went from being a dumpster baby to having a fan club follow her while she struts around on the beach in an itty-bitty little hat.

We’re suspicious how this contest works, but a big ass congrats is in order, Liverpool!

After spending 40 years on the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency Area of Concern list – which is exactly what it sounds like — a lake in Michigan has been declared free of toxic waste. Take that, corporate polluting fucks! All it took was four decades and $84 million.

That divorce settlement is burning a hole in MacKenzie Scott’s pocket: the philanthropist just donated $50 million big ones to support Native American college students.

Twenty-three Colombian miners who lived our nightmare of being trapped underground were rescued after being stuck in a collapsed mine for 43 hours.

Ireland is making official a universal income program for artists. Those radical bastards!

This guy in Cornwall is turning discarded fishing nets into food for 3D printers, and he’s making a fortune. Someone, wife this man up now.

Inspired by a video of a man and his dog being reunited in the aftermath of the Palisades fire (watch it and try not to cry so hard you vomit, we dare you!), California passed a new law requiring cities and counties to develop plans for retrieving pets from evacuation zones.

Eleanor and Lyle Gittens, the world’s longest married couple, shared their advice for not killing your spouse for breathing too loudly or chewing with their mouth open.

Australia is killing the solar game so fucking hard, it’s thinking about giving everyone free electricity.

This doggy was just trying to make his morning commute! Thank the gods it turned out how it did, because this video could have looked a lot different.

Stories like this remind us that people aren’t so fucking awful after all: a woman in Louisiana went weeks without electricity and heat due to the power company’s stupid no-payment-plan policy. The community pitched in and paid her bill.

When one airline denies a refund to a victim of a mass stabbing, it’s just an opportunity for another airline to dunk on them.

We love old-people weddings. We love old-people-weddings-in-a-pool even more.

This old biddy from the Midwest said, “Fuck it,” and became the oldest person to hike the entirety of the Appalachian Trail. Absolute fucking legend.

This sounds like a vision your brain would make up while in a horrifying state of sleep paralysis, but it’s actually pretty fucking cool: a woman with Parkinson’s played the clarinet while undergoing brain surgery.

Imagine gradually losing your vision and then BOOM! Scientists come up with this wild shit.

Fresh off the dogs-are-the-fucking-best news desk, this nonprofit that provides doggy best friends for veterans at risk for depression and suicide celebrated its 300th adoption.

Kenya overturned a completely fucked law that threatened farmers with PRISON if they shared or sold indigenous seeds.

This totally dope kayak was repatriated to the Inuvialuit people of the Arctic.

Wild

A super pod of dolphins was spotted off the coast of California. You read that right: A SUPER POD OF DOLPHINS.

Two manatee sisters were released back into the wild waters of the Caribbean after being nursed back to health for five years.

Scientists discovered a new dinosaur that had very creepy hands.

In Tanzania, a badass gang of giant rats might turn the tide on illegal wildlife trafficking.

A planned dam to protect the Klabava River in the Czech Republic had been floundering since 2018 until a family of beavers stepped in, did their damn thing, and saved Czech taxpayers tens of millions.

A newly discovered spider is named after conservation Grandaddy Sir David Attenborough.

Bravo to the surely very satisfied journalist who wrote this headline about a wildlife conservation center raising a damn good sum to restore a destroyed deer shelter.

The absolutely drop-dead fucking gorgeous giant pink slug is in its comeback era.

The Smithsonian Magazine published its top pics for its Wildlife Photographer of the Year Contest.

Join us in hysterically crying with joy and sadness and wonder and gaze upon this fucking incredible photo of an intimate moment between a baby polar bear and its mama.

Speaking of hysterically crying, a superpod of 2,000 dolphins was spotted splishing and splashing off the California coast.

Four hundred years after being hunted to extinction, British beavers are like, “We’re back, bitches!”

This beautiful squid that kind of looks like a yassified uterus was filmed in its natural environment for the first time in 100 years.

Sea Turtles are back, bitches, and we couldn’t be happier for them.

An endangered pod of orcas welcomed a new behbeh.

An adorable box turtle named Rockalina, who hadn’t been outside in 50 years, finally got to see the sun. We’re not screaming, crying and throwing up, you are!

In more science news, researchers discovered an old-as-fuck fossil containing an insect called a “hell ant.” Don’t worry, they’re extinct.

Screaming, crying, throwing up: A little baby donkey in Scotland has two moms.

We have major FOMO for missing out on this year’s hit Swedish TV show about moose migrating.

In probably the best “taking one for the team” ever, a badass (psycho?) endured 200 poisonous snake bites and more than 700 injections of venom over two decades to pretty much turn his blood into the most powerful anti-venom known to man.

BABY ANIMALS WITH THEIR MOMMIES. Click it. FUCKING CLICK IT.

Scientists discovered that chimps be chatting.

Twenty-eight toadlets (😭😭😭😭😭) who were released into a national park in the UK in 2021 are now all grown up and making sweet sweet love in a remarkable comeback.

We are cheering for this sneakerhead fox in the Grand Tetons, who is building his collection at the expense of campers.

South Korean activists are lobbying to grant bottlenose dolphins personhood to protect them from humans. All we have to say is, fuck yes.

Indonesian authorities rescued more than 1,000 rare birds from being smuggled out of the country.

Colorado is building the world’s largest wildlife crossing bridge, which leads us to a number of questions:

Will animals get annoyed at traffic the same way people do?

Will stereotypes emerge about which animals can’t navigate the bridge well?

The pressure is on for a Sumatran tiger named Dao to save his species, but researchers are hopeful.

Lynx are sooooo back in Northumberland.

Save the bees indeed! Scientists are working their little booties off developing a superfood that will make the honeybees outlive us all.

Chesapeake Bay is getting lit, and we are here for it.

Yeah, these are cute, but we’re adults and don’t need our food products to look like fucking toys. Good for Australia!

National Geographic re-published legend Jane Goodall’s 1963 article about the chimpanzees of Gombe River Game Reserve. It’s a fucking gorgeous article, might be the best piece of conservation journalism of all time, and you should read it right now. RIP to the baddest to ever do it.

In our next life, we want to be this bear.

The tallest tree in the Amazon is giving pick me energy.

When the green sea turtle was approaching extinction, it said, “psych, motherfuckers!” As of last week, these guys are no longer part of the endangered species club.

This town in Newfoundland is campaigning to relocate 30 beluga whales from the horrific prison of an amusement park to an inlet off of the town’s coast. In the name of Raffi, we urge the Canadian government to allow the transfer.

In more sealife news, much like humans do when trying to save their failing marriages, a pod of orcas that hangs out off the coast of Scilly has possibly added a third to the mix. Unlike humans, this is good news for the future survival of the pod.

A three-legged lion named Jacob is living his best life and we are here for it.

A stunning and rare white Iberian lynx decided to strut its stuff for the luckiest amateur photographer on earth.

Lemurs in Madagascar are banging at unprecedented levels.

There are drugs, and then there’s the feeling of spending five years searching for one of the planet’s rarest whales when one day, two of them swim right by your research boat.

PUFFINS!

The world’s oldest pygmy hippo had a very appropriately themed 52nd birthday.

Remember last week when we linked a story about a town in Canada that was petitioning the government to approve a whale sanctuary off their coastline for more than 30 beluga whales who have been imprisoned in one of those fucking archaic marine life amusement parks?

Well. Word on the street is that the plan was approved, and these whales are one step closer to escaping their current hell. We’ll be celebrating by bumping Baby Beluga for the rest of the weekend.

In omg-that’s-cute-as-hell-news, a teeny tiny crab and a glow-in-the-dark shark were discovered by a group of Aussie scientists exploring the unplumbed depths of the ocean.

English wild beavers are back, baby.

These damn adorable whales are on the up-and-up.

How fast do you think they were going?

Weird

In Canada, six people were charged in connection to the theft of $60,000 worth of…wait for it… butter. We don’t know about you, but we would like to know more. Is there an underground market for stolen butter? Is it run by a group of crazed Julia Child superfans? Are they eating it?! Rubbing it on their bodies?! Inquiring minds want to know.

Who knew fossilized vomit could be so beautiful?

Scientists in Florida are studying bioluminescent assholes.

In this-is-more-relatable-than-we’d-like-to-admit-news, a possum was rushed to the hospital after it ate an entire sheet cake from Costco.

Unless you’re off-grid ala Ted Kazinsky, you’ve certainly seen news reports of a young man being SWALLOWED AND SPIT OUT BY A FUCKING WHALE, but it bears repeating.

A woman in Fukuoka, Japan, went completely batshit off the fucking rails and did the unthinkable. Fortunately, she was apprehended and swiftly brought to justice.

A Polish general was shit-canned after he lost some fucking explosives that were eventually located in an Ikea. AN IKEA.

The story of these dollar store bandits in Florida fills us with both confusion and admiration.

Imagine being the archaeologist on the team assigned to excavating the dog wang.

Same, kid. Same.

A beloved weed dealer known locally as “Gandolf” received an outpouring of support after he was arrested for illegally selling the devil’s lettuce.

An attorney in Bangalore bravely fought against annoyingly long movie trailers and emerged triumphant.

We are here for the energy of this parrot in Sweden, who screamed “fuck you!” at firefighters

who rescued him from a tree he was stuck in.

For some unholy fucking reason, last week, Beijing hosted the first-ever humanoid robot half-marathon.

TW: Quicksand. A Lake Michigan beach tried to eat this man. He walked away with a girlfriend.

A man in England unknowingly bought his own car two months after it was stolen.

The Guardian is doing the lord’s work with this article about two historians debating at length about the number of penises featured in a medieval tapestry.

A college student living in Japan was rescued by helicopter last Tuesday after attempting to climb Mt. Fuji, which is currently closed to the public. It turns out he left his cell phone on the mountain. Oops! He returned five days later to find it, only to be rescued AGAIN. This fucking guy!

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We can’t tell if we love this or hate this, but we do love the shit-eating grin in her mugshot.

Nearly a million dollars in dimes spilled all over a Texas highway after a semi-truck crash.

This sea lion likes to get down to sick disco beats, showing researchers in California that human beings are not the only creatures that like to just fucking dance every once in a while.

A tourist in Rome, Vlad-the-Impalered himself.

Cops in Georgia forgot where they left a convicted killer, and panic ensued.

We’re not sure what’s more shocking: the fact that at 55 years old, this woman is smoking meth and somehow still alive, or that that clearly isn’t the first time that raccoon has gotten a hold of that meth pipe.

This poor woman lived everyone’s nightmare as Amazon delivered hundreds of car seat covers to her house for more than a year.

Chimpanzees are sticking things in their butts for fashion. Can relate.

Two hospital employees in New Zealand ended up in the emergency room after their co-worker brought a dosed cake to a potluck.

We fail to see the problem with this.

In an astonishing feat of athleticism and possible alcoholism, a 30-year-old Canadian just won the prestigious Beer Mile World Championship for the fifth time in a row.

In more booze news, popular energy drink Celsius “accidentally” filled some of their cans with vodka, which is either a delightful and unpleasant surprise for unsuspecting customers.

In one of our favorite cases of a skeleton being dug out of a politician’s closet, a video of the deputy leader of the Green Party has resurfaced, showing him trying to use hypnotherapy on a woman to enlarge her breasts. He’s got our vote.

A surgeon in the UK with an insatiable sexual appetite for missing limbs convinced insurers that he needed BOTH of his legs amputated. Now he has no legs and is serving 32 months in prison for fraud.

Taco Bell drive-thru attendant may be the only job safe from AI.

A teaching assistant in South Carolina was arrested for spending one month secretly spraying fart spray in the high school where he worked. He sprayed so much that several students sought medical attention, and the school incurred more than $55K in damages. This man’s mugshot looks like this is exactly his crime.

In other criminal news, a black swan was removed from a small town in England for trying to drown other birds.

A guy in New Jersey hung socks from his trunk to cover his license plate to avoid paying tolls. A for effort, sir.

Portland said, “fuck you!” to the man and got naked.

The rollercoaster from the headline to the second sentence is a lesson in physics.

As if men couldn’t get more disgusting, a subreddit about maximizing loads has nearly 50,000 members.

Now, everyone’s Dad who thinks music just isn’t the same these days can live out their dreams.

We’re guessing this guy was cleaning out his attic and was like, “Ew. I forgot I had this.”

Next time your flight is delayed, remember that it could always be worse.

An eagle tried to use a cat to final destination a driver in North Carolina.

We applaud this prisoner’s determination to defend his rights to bad taste.

This guy just needed a hand helping his son with math homework, and what he got was a mission to save the world and a mental health crisis.

A young woman in Scotland committed to the bit so hardcore, she faked a full-ass pregnancy, complete with a prosthetic bump, fake scans, and one of those creepy as shit real reborn dolls.

Scientists have discovered that while air comes out of our assholes, it can also go in. The discovery has led to a miracle treatment called “rectal oxygen delivery.”

An AI security system in Baltimore is keeping the people safe from Doritos.

Imagine being the officer assigned to waiting for this man to shit out the Fabergé egg.

We’d put money on many IRS employees already being quite familiar with the content.

This might be our new obsession.

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year to scroll the Am I the Asshole Subreddit. Monstrous in-laws abound, ungrateful children are aplenty, and there are more than enough mismanaged expectations to go around. Here’s The Wildest Am I the Asshole Posts from Reddit: Part 2.

Note: Titles of the posts are published as written. Those aren’t our typos, so calm the fuck down.

AITA for not inviting my husbands family to Christmas?

OP is a new mom and still healing from giving birth to her two-month-old spawn. The idea of Christmas with the whole fam-damily is overwhelming, and her husband agrees to a really small, teeny-tiny gathering with their nearest and dearest — real low-key. Husband’s parents, with whom they have a strained relationship, are not invited. You can imagine how shit hits the fan when MIL finds out. This story ends in a possible restraining order and an old bat ranting about grandparents’ rights.

WIBTA if I brought a Christmas dish to Christmas?

OP is a fully grown-ass adult man, and he’s had it up to here with his mom always making tacos for Christmas dinner. His wife doesn’t like tacos either, as it triggers her acid reflux. Mom announced that once again, Christmas dinner will be tacos and OP was like, “again!? But whyyyyyy whyyyy must you choose the dish you are serving for the event you are hosting?!” He wants to bring a dish so he and wifey don’t get stuck eating tacos AGAIN, and is wondering, if perchance, that makes him an asshole. The comments are surprisingly divided.

WIBTA if I insist my adult daughter participate in secret Santa if she’d like Christmas gifts

OP, who seems to really dislike her 19-year-old daughter, who seems to be trying her best to make it in the world after being raised by OP. Like many new adults, she spends some of her income on weed and DoorDash. For all Christmases past, adults of the family would each get the kids of the family a gift, then exchange Secret Santa gifts among themselves. The exchange has a gift limit of $150-$250. OP is seeking advice on how to tell her daughter that if she wants to get Christmas presents, she’s gonna have to be a grown-up and do Secret Santa with the rest of the adults. OP sticks the landing on an Olympic-level performance of right-idea, wrong-delivery.

AITA for ‘Cancelling’ Christmas?

OP and her husband host the family Christmas party. Every. Single. Fucking. Year. She’s dreaming of a low-key holiday, maybe some takeout and a movie, or hell, even a relaxing vacation with just the two of them! OP shared her dreams of a stress-free Christmas with her husband, and he was like, “fuuuuuuc yeah, let’s do it!” So they decide to forgo hosting NEXT year (note: NEXT year, not this year). When they gave their families the heads up that 12 months from now, someone else will need to host Christmas, they lost their shit.

AITA for not babysitting my grandkids on Christmas so they can go to a football game

OP, who has two grandkids aged 4 and 6 by her son and daughter-in-law, is hosting Christmas dinner. Her son calls her ONE WEEK before the big day, asking her to watch her toddler and barely-not-a-toddler grandkids all day Christmas until he and his wife come for dinner. Yes, you read that right – the dinner that OP will be working on by herself all day to prepare. Yes, you also read that right, too – on Christmas Day. Why, pray tell, do these parents of young children need a babysitter on the most magical day of the year? They have tickets to a football game. Yeah. OP is like, “um, no, I can’t watch your kids all Christmas cause I’ll be cooking the dinner you are going to come eat later with the rest of the family.” OP’s son is such a nice guy and not at all a piece of shit and tells his mother that if she won’t watch his kids while he’s jerking it to football with his also not at all a piece of shit wife, then they won’t be at Christmas dinner.

AITA for destroying family Christmas?

This one is…interesting. OP has been married for two years, and they have a one-year-old behbeh. OP’s mom gets him lavish presents each Christmas, with wife and son getting nothing. Nada. Zip. Not a damn thing. OP sat down with his mom to gently explain that while he knows she isn’t being malicious, it is coming across as a slight. Mom freaks out, calls the wife entitled, and says she ain’t hosting Christmas anymore. OP is like, “OK, cool, I’ll host Christmas.” Mom is like, “OK, cool, I’m not coming.”

OP mailed a gift to this woman who somehow raised him, and SHE SENT IT BACK. Christmas Day come,s and OP and his wife host his sisters and their families. The sisters act like ungrateful See You Next Tuesdays and accuse him of ruining Christmas.

AITA for banning alcohol from Christmas.

OP and her husband are hosting Christmas this year, and her in-laws like their holidays with a side of DRANK. OP is a teetotaler and casts a judgmental eye at those who imbibe. She’s decided that since Christmas is on her turf, Christmas will happen under her rule, and that rule is no booze. Sister-in-law caught wind of this and decided she is hosting an alcohol-soaked Christmas rager that everyone is going to go to instead, which is hard to believe because OP sounds like a really fun person who knows how to have a great time while not making her personal choices other people’s burdens.

OP and her husband are invited to the gathering, but she is putting her foot down and insisting they spend Christmas alone, sans family and sans booze.

AITA for telling my dad that my step-mom took all my Christmas gifs, including a car?

This one has a few moving parts, so pay attention, damnit. OP is writing to us from the land of teen. OP’s dad comes from fat cats, big money, high-falutin types. Dad’s family never approved of him fraternizing with OP’s mom, so OP didn’t see her dad for the first oh, TEN YEARS of her life. Dad seems to have stepped up, though, and is now present in OP’s life.

OP’s mom married Melissa when OP was 7. Melissa has a little demon bitch daughter named Grace. Grace bullied OP for not having a present father until she was 10, which is a really cool and not at all fucked up thing to tease someone about. Grace’s dad was present until he moved two states away.

Fast forward. OP is 16 years old, and Grace is college-bound and about to move out. OP’s dad comes by to drop off OP’s Christmas present, including a brand new car. When Melissa and Grace came home, they thought the car was for GRACE, from her dad, but alas. Grace’s dad calls and says he is sorry he can’t make it to drop off presents, and have a nice life. Grace was understandably upset. OP asks what she can do to help, and Melissa is like, “I’ll show you!” and starts gathering OP’s Christmas presents, and drives away in OP’s new car.

OP calls her dad, who threatens to call the police and report the items and the car as stolen if they aren’t returned promptly. Melissa, a full-grown ass adult woman, is now saying that OP ruined Christmas.

AITA for refusing to participate in Christmas activities with my wife and kids?

OP and his wife have three kids (2, 5, and 12). Wife didn’t have much of a childhood, and loves to go balls to the wall during the happiest of seasons to make the holiday season special for the kids — Santa, gingerbread, lights, tree, the whole shebang. OP, who isn’t a fucking asshole at all, finds this all to be really annoying and wants to enjoy his time off not participating in anything holiday related, which is funny cause you would think that someone who values their precious free time so much they can’t be bothered to help their spouse put up a Christmas tree wouldn’t start a family in the first place. The comments on this one are chef’s kiss.

The Dead Pets Podcast celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours.

Oreo came into Wayne Zespy’s life when she was a puppy. At first, he wasn’t sure.

When Oreo was 10 weeks old, he took her on a hike in the mountains. She ran ahead of him on the trail, then stopped when she came to a fork, looked back at him as if to say, “Which way?”

In that moment, he felt an instant connection with her and fell in love.

“That was when I just totally committed my whole heart to her,” Wayne said. “That’s when I said, ‘She’s my dog.’”

Listen to episode three of The Dead Pets Podcast to hear the incredible story of Wayne and Oreo.

Want a sponsored post in Vulgar Advice? Talk to us, babe. Email us at info@vulgaradvice.com

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

Last week, a man’s decade-long gumbo addiction paid off, Rockalina got a friend, and a skydiver lived through our nightmare.

Wonderful

A raccoon who went full Kyle-mode got drunk and epically trashed a liquor store has been commemorated with merch that has raised almost $200K for a local animal shelter.

This Pensacola man’s decade-long gumbo addiction may have saved his life.

These old gals want to be your grandma.

Wild

These owls caught a ride on Miami cruise ship bound for Spain.

RED ALERT: World-renowned box turtle Rockalina now has a little friend.

Otters are taking over the UK and we are here for it.

Weird

What do a stuffed bobcat and a Netflix disc have in common? The answer is GameStop.

Was he supposed to swallow the damn leaf?!

This is the stuff of nightmares.

This post is sponsored by the Dead Pets, the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours. Click below to listen to this week’s episode.

New Year's resolutions suck balls. At Vulgar Advice, we've changed many a bad habit and reached a lot of our goals; not a single damn one of those has been a New Year's resolution.

As you stand gazing boldly into the next calendar year thinking about how you're going to make it your bitch — and we say this with respect — fuck your New Year's resolution.

This year, instead of putting your amazing brainpower and emotional energy into setting resolutions that you — statistically — will abandon, get to know yourself.

Why do we even make New Year's Resolutions?

New Year's parties date back 4,000 years to the ancient Babylonians, who were the first people to hold celebrations to bring in the new year. These celebrations, called Akitu, lasted for 12 days (12!) and made the ball drop look lame as shit.

For nearly two weeks, the Babylonians held raging parties filled with prayers expressing fear of the unknown, memorials, burning puppets, processions, weddings, and honoring the gods. One ritual invovled the King getting slapped by the high priest to show humility to the gods (we support this, except it would have been cooler if each Babylonian citizen could slap the King); tears in the King's eyes were a good omen for the coming year. 

The earliest known reference to New Year's resolutions is from 1671 in the diary of Anne Halkett, a writer from Scotland. On January 2nd, Halkett, 48 at the time, wrote under a page she titled "Resolutions" that she would "not offend any more." We hope she did not succeed. 

By the early 1800s, resolutions and our failure to keep them were already the subject of satire. An excerpt from an article in Walker's Hibernian Magazine — billed as "a compendium of entertaining knowledge," — read, "Statesmen have resolved to have no other object in view than the good of their country…the physicians have determined to follow nature in her operations, and to prescribe no more than is necessary, and to be very moderate in their fees."

Data on New Year's resolutions is all over the damn place. For our purposes, we are going with Forbes. According to data from Forbes, 37% percent of Americans made New Year's resolutions in 2023. Less than 1% of people stuck to their resolutions, and they're probably psychotic overachievers or lying on the survey. 

Why we fail

Our New Year's resolutions don't necessarily fail. Most of us just say, "Fuck it," and abandon them. Why? Because change is hard shit, and the expectations we set for ourselves via New Year's resolutions are kind of nuts. Resolutions tend to be wide, sweeping changes made for the sake of tradition and not because we are ready or willing to actually do it. Most of us don't have much practice in achieving successful, sustainable change.

A 2020 study published in the National Library of Medicine tracked 200 New Year's resolutions and found that readiness to change had a direct impact on a resolution being achieved. And readiness doesn't follow the Georgian Calendar. Readiness happens after a million tiny factors coalesce over time.  

Getting to know yourself

If someone walked up to you right now and asked you, "What's your greatest strength? What are your recurring thoughts? What emotion do you have a lot of trouble expressing? What emotion are you really comfortable expressing?" Would you even fucking know the answers?

With all of the working, fighting, loving, and playing of day-to-day life, we can become lost ourselves. Sometimes, we can say, “yes” just to make things easier. We might stay at a job cause we don't exactly hate it and not disrupt our relationship cause things are comfortable. We become fine with a lot of things but forget what brings us joy, what awakens us, what our gifts are.

We forget what all of this (gestures wildly) is all for. 

Getting to know yourself will help you adjust and feed the parts of yourself that really fucking matter. It will help you make the small decisions every day that lead to those big changes you aspire to when you set resolutions. 

So, we humbly propose you disregard resolutions and commit to getting to yourself this year. How, you ask? With these 49 questions:  

What do you love doing?

What brings you joy?

What do you want? 

What makes you feel known? 

Where is one place you've always wanted to go? 

What do you value in yourself? 

What are you good at? 

What do you suck at? 

Do you love your job, or do you just not hate it? 

What's your perfect day? 

What do you want to learn? 

What drains you? 

What energizes you?

What are your not-so-healthy patterns?

Where do those come from? 

What are your recurring thoughts? 

What are you afraid of? 

What are you avoiding? 

What does success mean for you? 

How much money do you want to make? 

What do you want to do with it? 

How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake?

How do you express your emotions? 

What kind of people are you drawn to?

What do you bring to your relationships?

How do you handle pressure? 

What are your habits?

What's your favorite way to spend time alone?

What do you consider before making a big decision?

Can you say "no" comfortably?

How do you show others love?

What makes you panic?

What makes you feel calm?

How do you feel when you move your body?

What are you most proud of?

What are you most ashamed of?

What activity makes time disappear for you?

Do you prefer talking or listening? Why?

What makes your body feel healthy?

What makes your mind feel healthy?

Have you ever felt brave?

What does safe mean to you? 

Is it easy or hard for you to accept help? Why?

What is a quality you wish you had but don't think you do? Why?

How do you react when someone is angry or disappointed in you?

Do you trust people easily?

What do you consider to be hard conversations?

Is your intuition usually on point? 

Do you trust yourself more than you doubt yourself?

Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours.

Ethan found a litter of kittens underneath his dad’s porch more than 20 years ago. Among the meowing pile of cuteness was a tiny black kitty he christened Carbunkle John McClain.

While the other kittens found new homes, Carbunkle stayed with Ethan.

Not long after, the court removed Ethan from his parents’ custody, and he moved in with his older brothers, both in their early 20s. Ethan and Carbunkle found solace together amid a chaotic home life and learned to navigate the world in adulthood.

Listen to episode two of The Dead Pets Podcast to hear their story.

Want a sponsored post in Vulgar Advice? Talk to us, babe. Email us at info@vulgaradvice.com

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

The holiday season is a hectic time over at our favorite little corner of the internet: the Am I The Asshole subreddit.

People have long turned to the sage corners of Reddit to answer the age-old quandary, “Am I the Asshole?” And the masses gleefully offer their takes to determine, “You’re the Asshole,” “Not the Asshole,” or, the rare but profound, “Everyone Sucks Here.”

In our not-so-humble opinion, the AITA subreddit is the best of what the Internet has to offer humankind — a place where we can dissect the conflicts of our lives with strangers who couldn’t give less of a shit.

Of the thousands of posts we’ve scrolled through, there have been a handful that live rent-free in our minds.

AITAH for kicking out my conservative family during Thanksgiving before anyone ate?

Ah, politics. OP made it 15 minutes before politics entered the chat. OP asked people to knock off the political back-and-forth. When a conservative uncle fired off a quip, OP told everyone to get the fuck out before the meal even began. Mom thinks OP overreacted. OP maintains their stance.

Am I the asshole for expecting my husband to stay home for Thanksgiving?

OP and her husband are embarking on their first holiday season as a married couple. They live away from family, and also have a fuckload of pets, including five chickens. They can’t just leave their menagerie to fend for itself while they spend a long weekend away eating turkey and mashed potatoes. The pet sitter is booked because, well, Thanksgiving. OP’s husband insists on going anyway. She’s like, “Ok, well, I’ll have to stay here with the pets. It would be cool if you didn’t leave me on our first holiday as husband and wife.” But this joker is thinking about going. The communication gap is the Mariana Trench, and OP is running out of oxygen.

AITAH For Being Hurt That My MIL Wanted To Exclude My Daughter From Thanksgiving and Christmas To Protect My SIL?

One doesn’t have to scroll the subreddit for too long before one comes across a severe case of entitlement. OP and her husband have a wee three-month-old baby, and are excited for their young one’s first holiday season. Here’s the rub: OP’s twin sister has had a tough time with infertility. OP has been pretty fucking considerate of SIL’s feelings on the matter, which can be heavy and complex. She even declined a baby shower! Here’s where it gets good: MIL asked OP and her husband if they would be willing to STAY HOME or get a BABYSITTER so the presence of their infant wouldn’t upset SIL.

AITA for telling my wife that she can stay home this Thanksgiving?

OP’s wife is a picky eater. Like, so picky that it obviously bothers OP because this post is absolutely saturated in irritation. WOMEN, amiright?! This year, she asked if it would be ok to bring her own food for Thanksgiving. OP said his mommy would be upset and that if she couldn’t eat what everyone else is going to eat, she could just stay home. Don’t worry, the comments take care of it.

AITA for canceling the plans for thanksgiving after my parents called my brother’s baby their “first grandchild”?

OP legally adopted her stepkids three years ago. She considers them her own as much as if they came from her own body, as do her parents, or so she thought. Well, OP’s brother recently had a baby girl, and the grandparents referred to her as “their first grandchild” in front of their step-grandchildren. OP called her parents later to tell them that it wasn’t very cool to say, and her parents replied that since the children aren’t biologically hers, they aren’t really their grandchildren. OP was going to host Thanksgiving but decided to cancel because her parents were too dense to understand that their comment was hurtful to the children, who had been their grandchildren for six years.

AITA for getting up from my chair in the middle of Christmas dinner and shouting “SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT MY BODYYYYY” in response to my husband’s observation?

OP’s fucking asshat of a husband keeps making comments about her body, just months after she bore the man a son — ya know, just to let her know he doesn’t find her as attractive as he once did. At Christmas dinner, OP’s SIL complimented her on her outfit, and her husband made sure to swoop in and neg her. OP did what any rational, self-respecting new mother would do: she rose from the table and screamed at her dirtbag husband. The jamoke ran off to stay at his friend’s place, and sent her a nice text saying that she needed to get her shit together and go to therapy.

AITA for jumping out of a bathroom window to avoid my mom’s attempt at forcing a reunion between me and my ex fiancé?

OP was engaged to Sarah after four years of dating when he found out that she had cheated on him. He kicked her to the curb, but kept the reason behind the split to himself, citing feelings of emasculation. OP’s friends and family were left stumped, thinking he just heartlessly rid himself of her for no reason at all. Fast-forward a couple of weeks to Christmas Eve. OP is enjoying his holiday at his mom’s house when someone knocks on the door. Guess who!? Yup, that ol’ bitch Sarah! OP’s mom invited her so the two could make up over the magic of the holidays. OP is like, “What the fuck?” but mom insists. So, OP goes to the bathroom, crawls through the window, and beelines it for his car to make an escape back home.

OP’s mom and sister tell him that he ruined Christmas, offering less than zero sympathy when he reveals the truth behind their breakup.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity?

OP is a mom of two toddlers and has found herself trapped in a strange hell in which her in-laws only refer to her as “mama.” They go so far as to give her weird gifts that only reference her role as a mother.

At Christmas dinner, after the 100th “mama,” she asked her SIL to call her by her name, please and thank you. SIL was like, “um, what’s your problem?!” Husband says he understands how fucking weird the mama stuff is, but is asking her to apologize to SIL. OP is like, “Sure thing, as soon as she apologizes to me.”

AITA for telling my SIL she can leave Christmas dinner when she freaked out over tampons?

OP and her boyfriend hosted a small Christmas get-together and included her boyfriend’s brother and his girlfriend, who was about three months new on the scene. Without giving OP a heads-up, the girlfriend brought her eight-year-old son along for the festivities. Everything is hunky-dory until the girlfriend uses the bathroom and comes out clutching a box of tampons, breathlessly fuming that OP dared put out such disgusting tools of feminine hygiene in plain view of a child. OP was like, “..... you can go.” OP’s boyfriend’s brother drove his raging girlfriend home, and called to tell OP she was the asshole and — wait for it — OP’s boyfriend agrees!

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

Wonderful

Fresh off the dogs-are-the-fucking-best news desk, this nonprofit that provides doggy best friends for veterans at risk for depression and suicide celebrated its 300th adoption.

Kenya overturned a completely fucked law that threatened farmers with PRISON if they shared or sold indigenous seeds.

This totally dope kayak was repatriated to the Inuvialuit people of the Arctic.

Wild

English wild beavers are back, baby.

These damn adorable whales are on the up-and-up.

How fast do you think they were going?

Weird

Imagine being the officer assigned to waiting for this man to shit out the Fabergé egg.

We’d put money on many IRS employees already being quite familiar with the content.

This might be our new obsession.

I’ve been working on this podcast for more than a year. It’s very special to me, and if you want to read more about why in the hell anyone would want to make a podcast about dead pets, take a click right here.

Here it is. Episode 01: Iris the Virus.

Iris’s life was short, wild, and wonderful, thanks to Anna, who foster failed this little unicorn of a puppy when she was diagnosed with megaesophagus. This insane condition renders the esophagus unable to move food through it. It’s fucked. It varies in severity — some dogs can live a full life with it, while others have less time.

I often think of the way Anna loved Iris.

I wonder if I could do it, if I could love that hard, if I could love so much that it would transcend the odds for a dog who couldn’t even drink water without the risk of dying.

I’ve listened to this episode probably 100 times.

My heart never tires of hearing the emotion in Anna’s voice as she describes how naughty Iris was, the absurd lengths she went to feed her every day, and the absence this tornado of a dog left in her life when she crossed over.

It’s an emotional ride, but at the end, I always find myself saying, “Fuck yeah, Iris.”

Someday, you might decide to love an animal like Iris, an animal that doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell. Like Anna, you might say, “Fuck the odds. Let’s do this,” and give it the best life it could ever dream of, no matter how short or small it seems.

Because it never really is. It’s always bigger than that.

Listen to hear the story of Iris the Virus and Anna.

Follow us on Spotify, Apple, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Want a sponsored post in Vulgar Advice? Tak to us, babe. Email us at info@vulgaradvice.com

SPONSORED | Dead Pets is the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. Coming December 4, 2025.

Follow on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

Wonderful

Stories like this remind us that people aren’t so fucking awful after all: a woman in Louisiana went weeks without electricity and heat due to the power company’s stupid no-payment-plan policy. The community pitched in and paid her bill.

When one airline denies a refund to a victim of a mass stabbing, it’s just an opportunity for another airline to dunk on them.

We love old-people weddings. We love old-people-weddings-in-a-pool even more.

Wild

There are drugs, and then there’s the feeling of spending five years searching for one of the planet’s rarest whales when one day, two of them swim right by your research boat.

PUFFINS!

The world’s oldest pygmy hippo had a very appropriately themed 52nd birthday.

Weird

An eagle tried to use a cat to final destination a driver in North Carolina.

We applaud this prisoner’s determination to defend his rights to bad taste.

This guy just needed a hand helping his son with math homework, and what he got was a mission to save the world and a mental health crisis.

One of the biggest emotions I felt as a child was grief from the loss of pets — a lot of pets. Our house was full of dogs, cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, lizards, and birds. At one point, we had 25 cats, including kittens. It was very chaotic, but I loved every one of them.

They met their end in various ways. My lovebird Gus fell into the toilet. My favorite cat, Sysco, died while sleeping in my bed. One of our dogs was hit by a car.

You get the idea.

Their deaths devastated me. I felt a deep sense of loss with all of them. The pages of my childhood journals are full of entries trying to make sense of the grief.

Now, as an adult, I have a 19-year-old cat, a 7-year-old cat, and two 5-year-old dogs.

Here, look how cute they are:

I love them so much, it physically hurts. They are my family. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the heartbreaking reality that they will not live forever. That one day, it will be like they disappeared, and the only evidence of their lives will be the enduring pain in my heart.

I’ve been thinking about doing Dead Pets for a long time. I wanted to create a space for the other part of pet ownership, the utterly devastating and searingly painful part, when they inevitably die.

I’ve been afraid to fully dive into this show — afraid it will be too painful a path to walk down, with too many sad stories to hear. But isn’t that what ultimately keeps us from talking about the uniquely painful loss of a pet? And that is something I want to make less painful, less terrifying, less lonely.

Being loved by a pet is fucking magical. This podcast is about dead pets, yes, but more than that, it’s about the lives of our pets.

Each episode, you’ll hear from guests about a pet from their past. We’ll talk about why we love them, why it hurts so bad when they’re gone, how they changed us, how we carry them with us, and all of the joy and meaning they brought with them in their short lives.

The stories we are bringing to you in the first season of Dead Pets have given me the gift of knowing that I will survive the loss of my pets, that each crushing heartbreak is the trade-off for their incredibly fulfilling love, and I would choose it again and again.

If this sounds like something that might help heal your heart, if you are that person who could talk about your pet all day long, or if you’re just morbidly curious, follow Dead Pets Podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Oh, and sign up for our newsletter at deadpetspodcast.com to get 20% off the rad t-shirt below, available on launch day.

Our first episode drops on December 4. I promise, it’s not as fucking depressing as it sounds.

— Elyse Wild, writer of Vulgar Advice, creator of Dead Pets